Bizarre Search Terms 2019

As my blog continues to grow, the number of really weird search terms that brings people to my website continues to expand. Here are some of my favorite search terms that brought people to my door in the year of 2019.

amazon

The bizarre trend of my blog getting not one, but several hits from this search continues to baffle me. Who’s scrolling past everything to do with the rainforest, the mythical tribe of warrior women, and the global shipping corporation to find a D-tier blog that occasionally mentions having ordered something via the aforementioned corporation? Are there bots that periodically search for Amazon and then archive the first eight million hits that search gets?

dark heresy 2 shamless

I don’t know if I’d call it completely shamless. Its d100 roll under skill system is a bit of a sham, being that it’s basically just a d20 roll over system wearing a mathematically convoluted hat.

Jokes aside, the weird thing about this typo is not so much that it happened as that it happened three times. Also, it’s probably specifically looking for my specific post on Dark Heresy 2 powergaming. I wrote that on a lark without really even trying that hard to optimize, just applying some basic min-maxing to the different archetypes. Is that really the best optimization advice we have on the system?

why conan of venarium is not conan

Conan of Venarium sucked, but it’s hardly the only bad Conan story. If Conan of Venarium “is not conan” then even some of the Robert E. Howard stories aren’t Conan.

samantha noll by friendship or force

This search got two hits, and no other specific pop culture and philosophy article has gotten even one. Who’s Googling for this article and getting through all the results that are directly about it to get to my blog’s response to it?

island hex crawling

I think I know the guy who searched for this one.

codex alera pokemon is not a bad ide

I’m glad I’m not the only one who realized this.

ffx11 love chaos

This exact same bizarre misspelling showed up last year, too.

should i ignore critics

Yes.

the kartoss gambit listen to now for free

I’m sorry, man. If you’ve gotten to the point where barely related blog posts are coming up in search results for a download, that means the thing you’re looking for doesn’t exist.

what sphere of influence do fires influence

All of them, if you have enough of it.

how to start a pop culture philosophy blog

Have you tried writing words about pop culture philosophy and publishing them to a blog? It’s not like you need special software or anything. Articles are articles.

succubus game awful

I can’t tell if they’re referring to the Agony sequel that hasn’t even been released or the Succubus LitRPG, which, like most bad LitRPG, does indeed take place in a game that wouldn’t be any fun to play. Which isn’t surprising, if you think about it. Why should someone bad at making fun books be any better at making fun games?

trivial pursuit iomedae

This is less accurate than “game show host Iomedae,” but I think this phrasing just rolls off the tongue better.

darkest dungeon save scumming

Kind of defeats the point, doesn’t it? There’s already Radiant Mode for if you want to be able to recover from your failures on a timescale faster than the formation of stars, if you start save scumming on top of that, why not just go play a different game entirely? One that doesn’t revolve around the cloying, oppressive darkness of an unfair and uncaring universe filled with eldritch horrors. It’s kind of like an easy mode for Dark Souls. Why bother? The game’s whole theme is about the universe’s fundamental indifference towards you. If you don’t want a game about that, maybe consider playing a different game? I realize Skyrim’s pretty worn out by now, but Darkest Dungeon came out in 2016, it’s not exactly a spring chicken itself.

how humans influence chamomile

Mostly for the worst, but thanks for your concern.

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