Humble Choice September 2024

The advantage of forgetting to do this for nine months is that I can now wring out nine blog posts straight from the premise.

Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy is a no so hard it’s in that category of “is that an offer or a threat?”

Stranded: Alien Dawn is a colony-management sim where the premise is that you’ve crash-landed on an alien world and have to build an ad hoc colony to survive. I don’t hate this premise, but it’s too bare-bones to really hold my attention, and as a strategy game, it’s unlikely to be at that 5-hours-or-less threshold where I’m willing to give it a try out of only mild interest. How Long To Beat says 28 hours for main story + sides, which is usually how I play, and that’s way too long when my main reaction to the premise is “I don’t hate this.”

Coral Island is a Stardew Valley type farming game, and its primary selling point over Stardew Valley appears to be that all the NPCs are 20% sexier. That’s not nothing, but there’s no way I’m sinking 50-100 hours into a game just because it has some girl named Yuri who looks good in a bikini.

I’m close-ish to the age where Spongebob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake could plausibly be dopamine poured directly into the nostalgia centers of the brain. I was too old for Battle for Bikini Bottom when it came out, though, so this kind of thing never stood a chance with me.

Lost Eidolons is a tactical RPG where you are a mercenary-turned-revolutionary trying to overthrow an evil empire. Its big selling point tactically seems to be elemental magic? There’s some sign of a strategic level to put the tactical combats into context, but it’s not super clear from the ad how much this is strategic gameplay like XCOM’s base management and research and how much this is just NPC dialogues used to carry a plot forward. The latter is also good, but I find the former is crucial to making a tactical game work for me. At 40-50 hours, Lost Eidolons is way too long for me to risk the strategic aspects being undercooked.

Astrea is a dice-based deckbuilding Roguelike with a cool art style and interesting sounding mechanics, but it’s also a Roguelike with a 20 hour completion time. I would’ve played your game if it were shorter.

Infraspace is a planetary colonization game where every single crate of minerals and tank of oxygen has a specific location, so you can’t just slap down extraction facilities and factories and expect the mines to pour carbon into a hyperdimensional inventory which the factories then pull from. You need to schlep the carbon from the mines to the factories, and then schlep the resulting carbon widgets to homes for consumption. That means that where we’re going, we’re going to need roads. I like the idea of Cities: Skylines IN SPACE but I am nervous about its 45 hour time-to-beat. Mildly spoiling the next bit, though, I am otherwise picking up no games in September, so I’ll do the thing I do sometimes and add it to the backlog, but with a mental note to shove it off to Regrets the moment it starts to drag. I’m indulging the possibility that it turns out to be a delight from start to finish, here, because that is a genuine possibility for me.

You Suck At Parking: Complete Edition is a racing game where the gimmick is that to win, and also it seems like to progress at all periodically, you have to park in a parking space that’s not much bigger than a single car. So not only do you have to be able to take corners tight and juke obstacles, you also have to be able to come to a complete stop in a pretty specific position in a hurry. That sounds kinda cool, but I don’t like racing games enough to want to explore the edges of the possibility space like this.

Baldur’s Gate: The Second Best RPG Of All Time (For A While)

I’ve been replaying the first Baldur’s Gate lately. I haven’t played it since high school-ish and I wanted to do a thorough playthrough, so it’s in the backlog. I know in past conversations (not on the blog, I don’t think) I’ve called it the best RPG of all time as of its release, but that it hasn’t aged perfectly, and while I stand by that general sentiment, I double-checked the release dates and Fallout 1 came out first. Fallout 1 is such a perfectly tightly paced and plotted game that I can list off its small handful of flaws in a single blogpost, and that blogpost is exhaustive. Absolutely nothing else needs to change.

Baldur’s Gate 1 isn’t that good. If I were listing off every single one of its flaws, it would be a multi-part series and a lot of them would be very similar to each other, different manifestations of the same basic problem. Some of Fallout 1’s flaws were like that, with the broken iguana-on-a-stick quest and the broken Boneyard quests both falling under the same general header of “broken quests,” and while the bulk of that post was dedicated to broken timers, I covered every single timer in it.

The Baldur’s Gate equivalent would be combing over every one of the static wilderness encounters to figure out which of them can be cut in order to combine different wilderness maps together, and that’s a problem that comes up often enough that it’s better to talk about the general issue: Baldur’s Gate is mostly wilderness maps, and there are three kinds of encounters on those wilderness maps. The first are static unique encounters that have some kind of side quest or dialogue associated with them, the second are static generic encounters that just throw a bunch of gnolls at you, and the third are random encounters that sometimes spawn when you try to rest. The first are great, the second help pace them out a little so that the maps neither feel empty nor throw an exhaustingly unbroken series of dialogue-heavy unique encounters at you, and we’ll get into the third thing later, because right now I want to address the balance of the first two: There are about two or three times as many static generic encounters as there should be in many of the maps.

The maps would certainly feel very empty without those encounters, but also most of the wilderness maps are nothing but depositories of encounters. I like that there’s a large number of wilderness maps you can just wander around, bumping into little vignettes and side quests, but they clearly needed to cut several of them. Given the size of the maps, I think 3 is probably the minimum number of unique encounters each map needs, and I would feel better about 5. Many maps have just 1 or 2, and rarely reach 5. There are about two dozen wilderness maps in the game, and eighteen still would’ve been plenty enough that when the main plot sends you to track down some bandits, you wouldn’t feel like you’re being pointed directly at your goal because you know the bandits are in the wilderness and there’s only one wilderness map not already in use connecting towns together (only five maps are required to link Candlekeep, Baldur’s Gate, the Friendly Arms Inn, Beregost, and Nashkel). Cutting a few maps and moving the unique encounters of the remainder in with each other would really help the chapter where you scour the wilderness for bandits feel like less of a slog.

Similarly, and this is a bad habit that BioWare would take a long time to shake, increasing the length of your dungeons to match their importance in the plot is actually a bad idea. The Nashkel Mines are the first major plot point, where you find out that someone is intentionally sabotaging the iron supply of Baldur’s Gate and its sphere of influence, and it isn’t Amn as people suspect. Investigating the iron shortage is the immediate goal of Jaheira and Khalid, the adventurers who take you under their wing after your mentor tragically-yet-inevitably dies, and it puts you on the trail of the guy who killed him through a somewhat contrived coincidence (but only somewhat – the main villain is putting several plans into motion at once, one of them involves killing you (your mentor sacrificed himself to stop him), this iron thing is another one, it feels weird to suddenly jump track from “who is trying to kill me and why?” to investigating a seemingly unrelated crisis, but at least after you know what’s up it does make sense). It’s the first hint we get of a fairly convoluted scheme, and it’s the first step of the main plot, so I get the impulse to make the dungeon where that plot beat is delivered bigger than the wilderness locations that facilitate side quests.

The problem is that the actual dungeon’s concept is just a mineshaft full of kobolds. It’s not super clear how the kobolds are causing the quality of the ore to plunge, but whatever, it’s magic. The more important issue is that the Nashkel Mines are three floors of dungeon with one floor’s worth of content, bulked out purely to help signal that it’s more important than the ruined magic school at Ulcaster, a side quest dungeon. But while that does make it clear the Nashkel Mines are more important, it also makes them less fun to play.

This is especially the case because there’s very little increase even in raw difficulty when lengthening the dungeon, since there’s no penalty to backing out and resting in nearby Nashkel. This is a problem inherited from the game’s 2e D&D ruleset (a problem which persists through 5e), but BioWare was under no obligation to leave the 2e rules as unmodified as they were, so that’s no excuse. Like in D&D, some effort is made to make resting costly – early on in the game, your allies get angry at you if you take too long to reach Nashkel or complete a side quest, and if you rest in unsafe areas, you may be jumped by monsters. But these quest timers are rare, so for 90% of the game, including when you’re at Nashkel (assuming you aren’t on the timer for the side quest to rescue a wizard from some gnolls), you can rest at almost any time and your only potential penalty is that monsters might attack you – and even that isn’t really a problem, because Nashkel is so close and it’s perfectly safe to rest at an inn. Another of the proposed solutions to making rests actually cost something in D&D is to have dungeons restock encounters when you rest, but Baldur’s Gate doesn’t do this (and would almost certainly have had to tone down the length anyway if they did – unless you know exactly which wilderness areas to hit for levels before doing the Mines, you really need the rest).

Fallout 1 had this more figured out – while the timer for the last leg of the main plot didn’t actually work right (that’s one of its few flaws), the basic concept was fine, only the exact math needed to be altered. Baldur’s Gate toys with the idea, but abandons it by the time you reach chapter 3, which is exactly when it is most needed. Without any kind of timer hanging over your head, the days all blur together and plot points patiently wait for you to arrive, unchanging, so although the whole game feels like a crisis lasting about six weeks, canonically it’s more like 3-6 months, depending on how thorough you are. That would be fine if there were a timer hanging above the whole thing counting down to doom, with the situation getting progressively worse – the only reason why it seems like it can’t be much more than six weeks is because the iron situation and the escalating tension with Amn and the Zhentarim never actually escalates. The villain’s plan never actually advances, so it can’t have been that long, right?

A doom countdown like Fallout 1 nearly had would’ve greatly improved this – the iron shortage growing so catastrophic that prices on iron weapons and armor starts going up, and then they disappear altogether, leaving only magic weapons behind, murders of other Bhaalspawn grow more frequent and more daring in Beregost, Nashkel, and the Friendly Arm Inn, culminating in a massacre of over a dozen in one night in Baldur’s Gate, tensions with Amn grow more intense and Amn soldiers start patrolling the wilderness near Nashkel and become confrontational and then hostile. It’s very unlikely anyone will take more than 360 days to finish the game or more than 90 days to finish up chapter 2 (after which the hostility of Amn soldiers makes entering Nashkel more difficult, which is going to be a big problem for completing the Nashkel Mines), so this rough timeline should work:

Day 25: The next time the player enters Nashkel, they are approached by an Amn soldier who interrogates them about a murder in town. The soldier is suspicious the player may be involved because they’re a transient, but gives up the suspicion easily.

Day 45: Prices on weapons and armor rise significantly. The next time the player enters any of a couple different shops selling weapons, someone complains about the extortionate price on iron goods and the shopkeep tries to explain that iron is getting scarce thanks to the bandits.

Day 60: The next time the player enters Beregost, there’s a dead body lying in the street and some guards standing around. If the player approaches and asks what happened, the guards discuss the case with them and it’s suspiciously similar to the one in Nashkel.

Day 90: The next time the players are in Beregost, there’s a large Flaming Fist contingent there marching south to confront the Amnians. Flaming Fist vs. Amn standoff encounters start to spawn in the wilderness zone north of Amn.

Day 120: The next time the player is in Nashkel, they are confronted by Amn soldiers. If the dialogue goes poorly, they might be forbidden from the city for presumed loyalty to the increasingly hostile Baldur’s Gate.

Day 150: The next time the player is in the Friendly Arm Inn, a murder of another Bhaalspawn takes place right in front of them, in the courtyard of the inn.

Day 180: Non-magical iron weapons completely disappear from shop inventories. The next time a player enters a shop that sells weapons/armor, a soldier there complains that they’re skirmishing with Amn (or Baldur’s Gate, if it’s the Nahskel shop) and if they can’t get some decent weapons, it’s going to be a slaughter. The shopkeep points out that the iron shortage is hitting both sides, and the soldier complains they’ll end up killing each other with sticks and stones. As the conversation implies, standoff vignettes on the road to Amn become skirmish vignettes. Amn soldiers become hostile to the player no matter what conversation options they take.

Day 240: The Bhaalspawn massacre, an enormous number of dead Bhaalspawn appearing throughout the streets of the city. A prophetic dream (of the sort the player has been getting regularly during chapter breaks) heavily implies that only two Bhaalspawn remain: You and Sarevak.

Day 270: Baldur’s Gate and Amn explode into war. The road between Beregost and Amn is packed with fighting soldiers. Skirmishers move out into wilderness maps all across the southern section of the map.

Day 300: Amn forces break through and besiege Beregost. Any attempt to fast travel to the city triggers an encounter with besieging forces instead. Amn soldiers have the entire road from Nashkel to Beregost occupied and appear sporadically in the wilderness all throughout the wilderness, except for very remote areas like the bandit camp and the Cloakwood. A pinning force of Amn soldiers appears outside Candlekeep.

Day 360: Baldur’s Gate is stormed by soldiers of Amn after the gates are opened from within by agents of Sarevok. The Bhaal cultists begin a mass slaughter of the city’s inhabitants, supernaturally inciting the invading Amn forces to join in. A frenzied orgy of violence sees Sarevok soak in immense amounts of power and become a demi-god. The next time the player enters Baldur’s Gate (including necessary triggers for chapters 5 and 7), they are instead confronted by an invincible Sarevok amidst the bloodsoaked remains of the city, locked into an unwinnable battle.

Also, put the name of the wilderness areas on the world map so I don’t have to consult a guide to figure out which one is Red Wizard Forest and which one is Mutamin’s Garden.

Far Cry 6 Is Phoning It In

I can now confirm that the rumors are true: Far Cry 6 is another Far Cry game. One of the games of all time. A game that was released in 2021 and continues to exist.

I said that Watch_Dogs was a 2014 game not just in the sense that it was literally released in 2014 and takes place roughly then, but in the sense that 2014 was the sub-genre. It was a game about how people thought the world worked in 2014. Like, obviously no one thought that Chicago literally had a city-wide surveillance network being manipulated by dueling hacker outlaws at the time, nor did anyone believe that exact course of events would occur or that the hacker battles envisioned by Watch_Dogs wouldn’t end up being far more spectacular and fun to play compared to real hacker battles. But people absolutely expected that a growing surveillance state would end up being a battleground for hacker groups and lone wolves. The fears and anxieties of 2014 were written deep into that game’s DNA.

And in the same way, Far Cry 6 is a 2020 game. While some lip service to the Far Cry series’ running thesis of “your player character skills of personal violence will only make things worse, you should just leave” is given, for the most part the revolutionaries are just the good guys. Anton Castillo does Far Cry’s charismatic villain thing, but his ideology is pretty vague. The rebels are left-coded, but it’s United States left-coding and this is pseudo-Cuba, which means Castillo’s entire regime is vaguely left-coded because of its anti-Americanism (something which aged especially poorly as the Republican Party doubled down on being the party of treason and surrender and the Democrats picked up the “vanguard of global democracy” position after the Republicans dropped it – a pivot that happened so fast I felt the need to throw in this parenthetical to remind current readers that in 2021, while a careful observer could see the tide had clearly shifted on this, the general consensus was still that the American right was more overtly patriotic than the American left).

Castillo gets called a fascist by the rebels, and his reserved, presidential demeanor prevents him from fighting against that accusation directly, but in interviews with the American media he criticizes the United States for its history of slavery, and while it’s a very valid criticism to say that the US media being unable to effectively grapple with assertions that having been a slave-owning terror state 160 years ago means America isn’t allowed to oppose slave-owning terror states in operation right now, the game frames this as Castillo being a villain with a point rather than getting away with remarkably stupid defenses because he’s taking advantage of a historically inept journalist industry. Castillo’s relationship to America frames him as Fidel Castro, but his backstory with the nation’s Communist rebels in 1967 frame him as Fulgencio Batista, and to the extent Anton Castillo defends himself from the association with Batista, it is to position himself as being more like Castro, rather than any attempt to suggest that Batista was better – they were both dictators, after all.

There’s even a Just Leave option near the end, but there’s no reason to believe that it’s a better option. Protagonist Dani seems to do better in it, but Castillo reasserts control over pseudo-Cuba and that sure seems to be bad. The rebels don’t seem to believe in anything besides Castillo being bad, but at minimum they’re probably going to do less slave labor and the only person who might’ve been seeking to become a new dictator gets killed in the final battle anyway, which results in Dani being offered the job of supreme leader and turning it down. This sure doesn’t seem like the foundation of a principled democracy, but as with most Far Cry games, the level of authoritarian torture horror that the current regime gets up to is high enough that installing a corrupt hybrid-regime will still be a noticeable improvement. You can ask questions about whether it was worth the war, but the war was ongoing when you got here, so the choice presented to the player character in the narrative and the player in mechanics is not whether you should have a war, but rather that, given there is a war ongoing, which side deserves to win. And the answer is just straightforwardly the rebels.

Anton’s princeling who he’s grooming for succession gets killed in the true ending where you actually finish the game and defeat Anton, but Anton is the one who killed him. Rebels sometimes do chaotic and unhinged things, but no one who didn’t have it coming ever seems to get hurt by it. So while you can Just Leave, it seems like your protagonist skills of incredible violence actually are totally helpful here, because the rebels are better than Anton (probably? It’s all vibes-based, so it’s hard to say for certain, but Anton has lots of very specific crimes and the worst thing the rebels ever do is kill a few specific prisoners of war – bearing in mind they are a revolutionary army with zero ability to hold them, so while the psychological precedent this sets in the minds of the revolutionaries is very bad, they don’t actually have better options, but also the game doesn’t even notice this) and the only thing keeping them out of power is insufficient violence.

Far Cry 5 had a problem where it acted liked it had a Just Leave theme but the problem is that you were playing as a character who was both native to and employed by the legitimate democratic government of the nation the game took place in. The way you get introduced to most (though not all) of the resistance members suggests you’re probably not local local, but you are not crashing into a foreign country to solve their problems with violence, you are defending your own country from an authoritarian theocracy attempting a coup.

In Far Cry 6, things seem to have gone full cargo cult, with a few elements of the Just Leave theme, like the charismatic villain and the shady allies, are retained because those are Far Cry-y, but the developers either forgot, never knew due to employee turnover, or have stopped caring that this is supposed to add up to a theme about the futility of violence to solve certain problems. In fairness, there’s not a whole lot of pro-regime change sentiment left in the audience these days, so the Far Cry series has kind of reached the point where its thesis gets a “yeah, no shit” reaction, but Far Cry 6 doesn’t have a new thesis to push, it just staggers forward, an undead game series that still has the trappings of a point about the regime change sandbox genre it’s a part of but no longer has a point to make about it – probably because the only other surviving series in that genre is Just Cause, who were taking the piss since at least Just Cause 2.

The other long-running theme of the Far Cry series is the Murder Vacation, and Far Cry 6 doesn’t fail this one as badly as it did Just Leave, but mostly because doing Far Cry-y things gets you surprisingly far. Even here, though, the focus seems less purposeful. You still have a wingsuit and little one-person helicopters like the ones you can rent for (relatively) cheap to fly around on vacation, but you also have proper military helicopters and tanks, so the wingsuit and puny vacation helicopters are no longer a consistently effective means of getting around. You still do lots of murder and the vacation-y mechanics are still around, but they’re so de-emphasized in favor of the new revolutionary tone that they can no longer meaningfully be called a theme of the game, so much as the theme of, like, two side quests.

Far Cry 6 kind of gropes its way towards a new theme, a theme of gritty, bloody revolution, of revolutionaries who have legitimate grievances but also show the scars of trauma inflicted by those grievances. And while it would be kind of disappointing to see them move onto a new theme when they never really nailed the Just Leave theme, and kind of garbles their new message that there’s still vestigial Just Leave and Murder Vacation mechanics, it is fundamentally okay and indeed, a good thing, for a series to evolve thematically over different installments. But the problem is that this theme feels totally insincere, feels like people are scared of criticizing the 2020-era zeitgeist and also think they could profit from uncritically parroting its most rote talking points.

It wants to continue Far Cry’s edgy, bloodsoaked tradition of stories where war and revolution come with a terrible human cost, which means they cannot appeal to the Marvel core demographic of people who weren’t very political but they saw a man murdered by the police on camera and they were at least political enough to know that murder should definitely not be allowed. And yet, they lack the unhinged, though, to its credit, very human madness of the most lunatic fringe leftists of the era raving about how they’ll replace prisons with “empathy ceremonies” where criminals are publicly drowned. It wants, or at the very least feels it must be, part of that zeitgeist, but that zeitgeist is an alliance between 40-year old suburbanites that the Far Cry series wishes it was too cool for and actual crazy people that the Far Cry series might want to namecheck but whose actual policy proposals would be embarrassing to actually portray sympathetically.

Kinda makes me think that maybe it’s time for UbiSoft to admit that they are a giant corporation with no beliefs and should maybe resign themselves to making bland, Marvel-style, vaguely pro-status quo media.

Citizen Sleeper

In Citizen Sleeper, you are a “sleeper,” an emulated human consciousness uploaded to a robot body that mimics the regular human body in various ways to prevent the copy/pasted brain from going insane. So, you have to breathe because if you don’t your emulated subconcious thinks you’re drowning, and you have to eat or else the hunger will drive you mad even though the amount of energy provided to your bio-mechanical body by the food is puny (and it’s not clear how diegetic the hunger mechanics are, but you certainly don’t seem to have to eat very often). Unfortunately, the only point of making emulated humans like this is to exploit some kind of legal loophole regarding AI – as long as the artificial intelligence is created by copy/pasting a human brain wholesale, then the resulting being doesn’t legally count as human and doesn’t have rights, but also doesn’t count as enough of an AI for nebulous other laws to apply. Some kind of AI safety laws, I think? It’s not clear, but the game’s not a legal drama, so that’s fine. Making emulated consciousnesses allows the corporations to circumvent some kind of legal problem, and that’s why you are a robot with a wifi connection in your brain and robot legal status and yet you think, feel, and act exactly like a human.

The inciting incident of the game is that you are pulled out of a freighter that you’d stowed away on after escaping your corporate masters on some pit of despair floating out in space, and you’ve arrived on a decaying ring station taken over by the workers in a string of riots after corporate control fell apart. Now your goal is to make good your escape, which you can do in one of three ways: Upload into the cloud, hop on a ship to a distant planet (you have two different ships to choose from, but the details don’t matter to the broad objective of escape), or break the corporation’s ability to track you down and decline either of the other two options so you can just hang out on the station forever.

It’s not clear why the corporation’s grip on the station was slipping to begin with, but the Collapse was triggered by large chunks of the station being physically destroyed, so the corporation bailed out and left their station-level executives to fend for themselves. A few decades later, the Havenage is a ruling body that evolved out of a union, vaguely social democratic although it’s not clear how many residents are in the union. Certainly you are not in the union, and the political details mostly don’t matter. The Havenage is in charge of the main sections of the station, but they don’t really tell you what to do or provide for your needs. They are doing an okay job of running things but you’re pretty much on your own for getting food and shelter, and they don’t have total control of the station.

The Yatagans are a street gang that controls some of the more dense residential areas, and the Hypha Commune are a bunch of botanist hippies living under communism out in the biosphere sections of the station, which have grown completely wild since the Collapse. The Havenage are the ones that outside polities contact to do business with the station and the Yatagans in particular seem to exist like a regular (if firmly established) gang, in the cracks between the limits of the Havenage’s resources rather than acting openly as a rival state. It’s hard to tell exactly what the relation is between the three because all three of them are pretty chill with each other during the plot – the Havenage will not help you with your Yatagan problems and the Yatagans will not help you with your Havenage problems, so whatever the exact situation between them is, there is a stable balance of power and you aren’t upsetting it.

So that’s where you are. What do you do? Every day you roll some number of six-sided dice based on the condition of your body. At full health, you roll five dice. At the minimum, you roll just one. You can assign the dice to various tasks, and each task results in another die roll for a negative, neutral, or positive result, with the odds based on the face of the die assigned to it. The “neutral” results are actually marginal successes while the “positive” results are more like critical hits, i.e. if you assign a die to work a shift at a dangerous job, a “neutral” result gives you money and avoids harm, a “positive” result gives you extra money, and only a “negative” result damages you. Once you’ve used all your dice, you can sleep to get them back.

Continue reading “Citizen Sleeper”

Far Cry 6: Appointingly Armored

I’m not thrilled with Far Cry 6 overall. I’m mainly only playing it because I want closure on various Ubisoft open-world sandbox series that I was too broke to play when they got big, forcing me to watch from the sidelines as people loved them, then got bored with them, then eventually started rolling their eyes at the very mention of them. Assassin’s Creed and Watch_Dogs I played through until fairly obvious stopping points. For Assassin’s Creed, it was after Syndicate, before Origins, an intentional break that Ubisoft took to try and retool the series. For Watch_Dogs, it was after the second one, before Legion, because Legion’s “play as anyone” gameplay gimmick was such a radical departure as to feel like a different series altogether.

Far Cry lacks any particular breaks like that (well, except the break between 1 and 2), so I’m trying to play up to the current installment in the series and then I can say that I have completed the series, I have experienced the games that I had initially missed. And I’m trying to do that soon-ish because Far Cry 7 is supposedly coming out in 2025 and this series has gotten really shaky. Obviously I can just decide “fuck it, the series is over for me because it is bad,” and if I end up playing Far Cry 6 so little that I can’t even finish a main story blitz before 2025, then that’s probably a good sign that the series has become unplayably bad and I should not try to play it anymore. But I’d like to at least try to get through Far Cry 6, especially since the only outright bad game the series has had so far is Far Cry 5, and even that was fun to play, it just had a miserable and stupid main plot.

Far Cry 6 is better about this so far, but this wouldn’t be the first time Ubisoft has put crowd-pleasing fanfare up front where the early reviewers working to deadline will see it and hidden all of the terminally stupid shit near the end, where only dedicated fans or people with a neurotic obsession with completing things will find it, so we’ll see if Far Cry 6 is actually better.

But one thing I can say for the game already is that it finally has tanks. The absence of tanks made sense in Far Cry 3 and 5, and it was mostly sensible and forgivable in Far Cry 2, since that game was breaking new ground in enough other ways that I didn’t mind if they ran out of time and money before getting to specific features like tanks and IFVs. It really stuck out in Far Cry 4, though. The tinpot dictatorships you fight in Far Cry games might not have state-of-the-art weaponry, but at this point the T-62 is over 60 years old and was specifically intended to be a cheap tank for mass export to anyone on the red side of the Cold War. Stir in half a century of regime change, equipment capture, and imitation models, and these things (or tanks like them) can show up absolutely anywhere. And indeed, they are in Yara! These tanks are some fictional model from 1944, but whatever, what’s important is that I can drive around in a tank and fire the cannon and run over things.

Humble Choice August 2024

It’s the first Tuesday of August as I write this. What’s in the box?

Sifu is a kung fu game where you seek revenge for your dead family by decking a very large number of people in the schnozz. The three selling points I can identify are 1) You can pick a male or female character (they don’t spend a lot of time on this one, but it is the first thing they tell you about the game for some reason), 2) you have a magic amulet that brings you back to life every time you die, but ages you each time, and 3) the combat system doesn’t have any HUD indicators when something’s about to go wrong nor do enemies take turns attacking. Presumably, then, you have to pay attention to tells in their animations and crowd management is very important, although it doesn’t actually say that. The Humble Choice description definitely leans into the last part the most, with several paragraphs dedicated to how challenging the kung fu gameplay is. How Long To Beat says 8 hours, which is 3 hours longer than I’m willing to give this one, the risk that it’s not good enough to sustain its gameplay is too high.

High On Life is that one game written by one of the Rick and Morty guys where your gun talks to you. I’ve never thought Rick and Morty was particularly funny, and while I do like its exploration of sci-fi concepts, I like that because each individual episode is very short and often explores different concepts in its A-plot and its B-plot. High On Life is probably not staying glued to its single sci-fi concept of aliens trying to get high on humans somehow for its entire nine and a half hour run, but video games still tend to dwell on concepts much longer than TV shows do, and even concepts I like are going to get boring if they spend even 45 minutes on them. The fear hole was a pretty good episode, but it would be much worse if it were ninety minutes instead of twenty, even if two-thirds of those ninety minutes were combat.

Two or three times a year, Humble Choice includes a game that gives the whole bundle the flavor of one of those diabolic bargains or “would you rather” games. This bundle’s hidden poison is Gotham Knights, and neither of the two headliners are even pick-ups, let alone overshadowing the threat that I might accidentally install Gotham Knights on my computer. I’m assuming that Sifu is supposed to be a headliner since normally those are listed first, but it’s more obscure than usual, so my headcanon here is that the Humble Choice headliners are set up as far in advance as release day, like, Gotham Knights locked in their position in the August 2024 Choice clear back in September or October of 2022 when it was coming out, and by the time August 2024 was rolling around, Humble was having second thoughts about Gotham Knights being a headliner so they promoted Sifu to the #1 spot instead.

In Blacktail, you play as Yaga, a Slavic archer-witch who gets exiled from your village and can choose to either become a guardian of the wilderness or to go the route that name implies and become a nightmare horror. I’m not sure why they went with the relatively generic “Blacktail” over just calling the game “Baba Yaga,” especially since, while looking up some of her legends to see if maybe the phrase “black tail” comes up in them (nothing after a quick Google search, but bear in mind my background research for these posts tends to be pretty sloppy), I found that Wikipedia claims that Baba Yaga is an ambiguous figure who is sometimes helpful, so the guardian-of-woods route in this game is actually also following the legends, not defying them. Gameplay wise, this game is promising to be a witch game with an emphasis on archery, and so far witch games have capped out at some survival-crafting games being decent witch games by accident, but at less than 10 hours, I’m willing to give Blacktail a chance to break the curse.

Astral Ascent is a Roguelite game and even kind of leans into the slow pace at which the story unfolds. They are attempting to be more deliberate with their Roguelite mechanics, so my outside guess is that Astral Ascent is probably one of the better B-tier Roguelites for people who really like that genre. I don’t really like that genre, though (I don’t dislike it, but I don’t like it so much that I want to play its middlingly-high entries), so for me, this game is going to be 20-30 hours of being a worse version of Hades.

Diluvian Ultra has managed the first half of a miracle: I am going to add a Doom-style shooter to the backlog. How Long To Beat has exactly one record of how long this game is, and that record says 5 hours, so if that’s even close to accurate then I will give this game a chance based purely on its cool aesthetic and ideas: You are a grimdark space fantasy prince, not a 40k rip-off but a guy who’d fit in in that universe, and you have been awakened from your slumber on your tombship by unknown attackers. It remains to be seen if Diluvian Ultra can manage the second half of this miracle, getting me to actually like a Doom-style shooter. This is episode 1 with promises of more as paid DLC, and I’m not committing to any of the DLCs even though the story is apparently incomplete without them, but honestly, if it can even get me through the first episode then that should be considered a win, given I very nearly rejected this game on its genre alone and only read the ad out of a sense of obligation towards being reasonably open-minded.

Universe For Sale is about a woman living in a colony in the clouds of Jupiter who can create universes in the palm of her hand. No sign of gameplay or what kind of actual conflict this leads to, since the images and video heavily emphasize the woman and the people she talks to, not the universes themselves. As near as I can tell, this is an adventure game that heavily emphasizes its strange, novel worldbuilding. Fair enough, but if I wanted a story told to me, I’d read a book or watch a movie. If you expect me to go to the hassle of clicking to advance the conversation every thirty seconds, I expect there to be a game to play.

This Means Warp is a sci-fi game where you fly a spaceship around to different asteroids and, uh, interact with them somehow. The game’s advertisement is focused relentlessly on how it’s playable with 1-4 players which, I get why that’s a primary selling point, but do you, uh, have other selling points? Well, okay, it also says it randomizes your adventures each time. There’s good reasons to do that, it means you have to master broad systems rather than memorizing specific maps in a more deterministic way, but it also means that the maps lack the handcrafted human touch and you can really tell the difference. This tradeoff alone is definitely not sinking the game, but it’s not a major selling point the way the devs seem to think it is, and the other major selling point is that I, the solo player, am kind of an afterthought to this multiplayer focused game. When the game lists its features as bulletpoints, it does have a third, and the third is “deep, strategic combat,” but it doesn’t say, like, how. Just that it has combat, which is hard. Optimistically, this might be a somewhat FTL-esque game, perhaps with more emphasis on crew combat over ship combat, and with a more light-hearted tone. How Long To Beat says it’s 12 hours long and also has only one rating, so I’m going to pass it by because that’s already longer than the 10 hours I might be willing to chance on this game plus there’s a possibility that the one rating left was an outlier and the real average time is 15 or even 20 hours.

These two pickups put me up to 156, which is still slightly disappointing since I was recently below 150 and then I decided I should play Deep Rock Galactic for three months. Still, the new pickups are short and I still have a few short games in the backlog (I’m playing Hi-Fi Rush right now and it’s not especially long). Plus, I like the look of both of the new pickups, even if Diluvian Ultra makes me nervous with its genre. Not sure if either of them deliver on their promises, but I like what they’re promising.

Figment 2

Figment 2 is about a figment of the mind of some guy. The figment is Dusty, the man’s courage, and his job is to defeat nightmares, which the mind fears. He is accompanied by Piper, a Navi-esque bird sidekick and what exactly she’s supposed to represent psychologically is not clear to me. I could take some guesses based on her personality, but I don’t think anything is ever nailed down in dialogue. She’s also pretty new around here. Both of these characters were also in the first game, according to Google, and that game was set in a teenage girl’s mind, with Dusty fighting against fear and depression. We’re clearly in a completely different person’s mind here, so I guess everyone has a Dusty and Piper floating around.

The game opens with Dusty fighting a giant evil pig representing fear of the dark, but the main plot is about fighting the Jester, the man’s lost sense of fun, who’s been crushed under adult responsibilities and is now going rogue and attempting to tear the Moral Compass apart in order to be heard again. Brief illustrated cut scenes of the outside world make it pretty clear the strain that all the extra work is putting on the relationships of the unnamed man Dusty and Piper are knocking around in, but it’s never clear what dangerously irresponsible things he’s considering doing under the Jester’s influence. The game’s ultimate message is that the Jester is good and the man should listen, but there’s also an implication that the Jester will wreck the man’s life if they keep taking desperate action, so the character arc for Dusty is about learning to trust and work with the Jester rather than fighting to the death, so it makes sense to focus on the damage done by the Jester’s absence over what they’ll do if they win by defeating Dusty. Still would’ve been nice to see, though.

The game is a hack-y slash-y roll-y around-y sort of game with frequent but only mildly challenging puzzles. We aren’t at full Lego Star Wars mindless puzzle levels, but it’s, like, one notch up from that. The game’s major selling point is its emphasis on music. Certain enemies attack in time with the combat music, although most do not, and bosses will sing songs at you while you fight them. This is a neat idea, but it suffers from the problem that all the songs are really forgettable. On the one hand, if you want a musical action-adventure game, you aren’t getting one anywhere else, and Figment 2 (and, I assume, the first Figment) are musical action-adventure games. I’ve given Assassin’s Creed games passing marks for historical tourism to eras I otherwise don’t get to interact with much in other video games, like the French Revolution, even when they’re mediocre in basically every other way, and objectively that’s the category Figment 2 falls into: Flawed, but it does deliver on its core premise.

But Figment 2 is flawed. Its story is that of the overworked husband and father who needs to spend more time with his family. Serviceable but rote, not a bad thing, but not a redeeming quality either. The gameplay is the same, a half-dozen different enemies and your standard roll-and-attack third person melee gameplay that’s been the norm for something like a decade now. It’s hard enough you can’t sleep through it but easy enough that I don’t get stuck on it, which is good, because it’s pretty forgettable so drawing attention to itself would be bad. The thing where the music is diegetic and enemies attack you in rhythm with it is new, but the music itself is the same serviceable-but-not-a-selling-point tier as everything else.

If you love the idea of this game’s core premise, then nothing about is bad enough to be disqualifying. Unfortunately, I’m not super into its core premise. I was willing to give it a chance because it was under 5 hours (about 3 hours and 20 minutes for my playthrough), but having tried it out, yeah, this series is not aimed nearly directly at me enough to overshadow its flaws.

Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical

Stray Gods is a visual novel where the gimmick is that it’s a musical and some of your dialogue choices are made mid-song, changing the course of the song. I don’t normally like visual novels, but not because I’m opposed to them in principle, just because I find it very annoying to advance the dialogue with a mouseclick every two fucking sentences. The game keeps asking me for inputs and it keeps not mattering. Stray Gods isn’t like this – the scenes just play out, voice-acted, until they reach a point where a decision is needed. Sometimes that decision is just to ask X or Y optional question or go ahead with the main plot immediately, and sometimes it’s an important choice with consequences for the plot, but either way, whenever I’m asked to interact, it’s because there’s a decision, minor or major, about how this story is going to unfold. It’s weird to me that this makes such a big difference, but it does – I’ve struggled to get through visual novels with really good writing in the past but have no difficulty getting through Stray Gods.

The premise of Stray Gods is that you are Grace, twenty-something in a band who doesn’t know what to do with her life who busts out an I-Want song, which a woman named Calliope steps in to complete. Later that night, Calliope shows up at Grace’s apparent bleeding from a mortal wound, dies in Grace’s arms, and passes on her god powers to Grace, because it turns out this Calliope is the Calliope, a muse. Calliope’s god power is that she can force people to bare their emotions in song, and Grace has inherited that power. So that song at the beginning was fully diegetic, but hey, Grace is a musician and also Calliope presumably used her god powers at some point, although implicitly only after she heard Grace start to sing. Anyway, since a god died in your apartment, the gods in charge (Apollo, Athena, Persephone, and Aphrodite – there’s been some vacancies) decide it was probably your fault, but give you a week to track down the real killer to prove your innocence. Musical shenanigans ensue!

That’s all the first, like, 45 minutes of this 5-hour game, so it’s not really spoilers, but beware that spoilers will ensue. The rest of my non-spoilery review for if you’re reading this to see if you want to play it is that the voice acting and illustration are great, the music is technically very impressive for how it interacts with your dialogue options to result in many, many different versions of each song all of which make sense and flow with each other, but in terms of actual soundtrack quality the good songs are heavily frontloaded. Pan’s song, Persephone’s (first) song, and Medusa’s song are killer, but then Orpheus’ and the final confrontation with the killer and your accuser near the end are a disappointment. Spoilers go below the break.

Continue reading “Stray Gods: The Roleplaying Musical”

Humble Choice July 2024

Finally caught up to the current month, a Humble Choice ongoing right now which you might hypothetically make a purchasing decision about based on this post! That’s only half the point of these, but I still feel kind of bad about dropping that half for three months. Oops.

Anyway, what’s in the box?

A Plague Tale: Requiem is an A Plague Tale game, so that’s one mark against it already. This is a game about playing French peasants, one of whom is cursed with rat swarms in some way vaguely connected to the Bubonic Plague. It is attempting to be a Sad Game and is also some kind of AAA production? It does look very pretty, but with its paucity of demonstrable gameplay I’d assumed this was just because indie games sometimes look surprisingly pretty. We’re in an era of graphics where you have to zoom in pretty far for the difference in a full console generation’s worth of resolution to be apparent. But A Plague Tale is even less defensible as a AAA production, which should be able to afford both nice graphics and some actual gameplay. I realize A Plague Tale does literally have some gameplay, but it’s so thin that you can’t even really assign it a genre except for something super broad like “adventure game.” So, I’m not adding this one to the backlog, is what I’m getting at.

Ghostrunner 2 is a first-person melee game. It looks cool, and part of me thinks that surely this concept wouldn’t get a sequel if the gameplay was as miserable as it sounds, but, man. A first-person melee game? Really? I can’t shake the fear that it’s as bad as it sounds.

If you’re going to make a Starship Troopers game, you probably should make it about playing as the mobile infantry fighting the bugs in a story that, while it may have some satirical overtones in the background, plays it all pretty straight in the fore. That’s what Starship Troopers: Terran Command appears to be doing, and there’s not really room to do much else. It’s kind of like how the best Jurassic Park video game has the exact opposite message of the movie, except not as extreme: The Starship Troopers movie (and this game is definitely based on the movie, not the book – the aesthetic is straight from the film) also appears to play the premise straight and makes you pay attention if you want to notice the criticism underneath. Here’s the thing, though: Making a Starship Troopers game is not a necessity, nor is playing it, and I don’t particularly want to invest the time to play what looks like a good-not-great tactics game when the ultimate takeaway is that the whole war is the result of incompetent politicians, prolonged by incompetent generals.

Sticky Business is some kind of sticker tycoon/crafting game? I generally like these “imagine having a job that was super chill” kinds of things, but I’m not super into stickers or arts and crafts kind of things.

Zoeti is a turn-based Roguelite and I’m out. For the love of god, indie devs, stop making Roguelikes, I’d play your game if it was shorter.

Figment 2: Creed Valley is real sad that there Inside Out never got a good video game adaptation and has set out to be the change it wants to see in the world. Stage music is important both thematically and to gameplay, and it’s more of a hack and slash game than a literal Inside Out adaptation (it’s hard to imagine Joy socking negative opinions in the mouth). Time comes to the rescue on this one: At only four hours long, it’s easy to justify taking a risk on this game, even though I’m nervous that it’ll end up being all quirk and no substance.

This is the opener for Heretic’s Fork: “Dear Candidate, Thank you for submitting your application for the position of Hell’s Manager. We are pleased to offer you the job and extend a warm welcome to our team. As you may know, we have some overpopulation issues that we believe can be resolved with your help.” That’s really good. It sets a tone, standoffishly professional, none of that insincere “welcome to the family!” kind of corporatism, but the straightforward professionalism of “we’re evil but reliable, you’re in it for the money, let’s make a deal.” It finds room in the boilerplate to give a hint of what the gameplay is about. It has just one flash of the fantastical that pops right out of the page because it’s surrounded by banality. The game is some kind of tower-based strategy game but doesn’t quite seem to be a tower defense. That’s an okay genre, and How Long To Beat gives this one just four hours. I can take a chance on that just on the strength of the writing.

Hyperviolent is a Doom clone and shooters before Half-Life aren’t canon.

After several months of playing basically no games (my stats list Impire, Fallout, Amazing American Circus, and Far Cry 5 as my only completed games since January), my backlog is up to 158, firmly above the 150 I briefly got it below. Partly that’s because I played a lot of Deep Rock Galactic, which is nearly but not quite complete, but mostly it’s because I haven’t played as many games lately. For the first time in a while, though, I have quite a few games with an average playtime of less than 10 hours in the backlog, so I can probably get this back below 155 pretty quick.

Far Cry 5: That’s Not How Classical Conditioning Works

I couldn’t find a place to put this in the main Far Cry 5 Is Dumb post, so I’m splitting it out instead.

In the Jacob Seed sub-plot of Far Cry 5, you get kidnapped like three times. This happens in all of the game’s three sub-plots, and the only one where it even slightly works is in Faith’s, because there it’s unclear how physically captured you are by any of her drug sequences and it’s totally plausible that Faith is actually just talking to you over the radio (as video game enemies do) while you’re high on the large ambient Bliss in her region of the map. Here in Jacob’s region, you get physically kidnapped for multiple days on multiple occasions and at no point does Jacob just fucking kill you, but instead does some sci-fi Manchurian Candidate bullshit. He does succeed in getting you to kill the region’s resistance leader Eli, but he was winning against Eli and he is losing against you. His threat prioritization is totally backwards here.

Unlike Bliss, a made-up mind control drug, Jacob’s mind control is supposed to work on classical conditioning. But, like, classical conditioning doesn’t work like that. Training someone to salivate in response to a bell is not the same as playing music that induces a mindless murder fugue. At best, and this is a reach but it’s close enough to real that the game could still call itself gritty with a straight face, you might be able to condition someone to draw and fire a gun in response to a specific stimulus. Even that faces serious limitations, though. You’d need the stimulus to be rare enough that they don’t train themselves out of it once released from your program, like, if it’s a certain birdsong common to the area then they’ll get triggered at random and learn to suppress the reflex.

But then you also need to be able to play the stimulus at-will, so it does need to be something like a specific music track, except it also needs to be sufficiently loud and startling to trigger an immediate reaction, because classical conditioning does not erase decades of regular human social instincts with two weeks of training, so there’s going to be quite a bit of resistance to shooting anyone the target knows and cares about, even a little. Even a half-second of hesitation is enough for the conscious mind to catch up with what’s going on and override the reflex, because no matter how much classical conditioning you do it’s still a reflex. Like, have you ever reflexively started driving somewhere more familiar than your intended destination because you just switched to auto-pilot while on a familiar part of the route, reflexively punched someone in a haunted house, or looked for HUD elements for half a second in a real life situation that resembled a video game you’d been playing a lot? Classical conditioning is just building in instincts like that on purpose.

Militaries do use that for the much more macabre purpose of training soldiers to reflexively aim and shoot lethal weapons at a human silhouette (you know those shooting range challenges in shooter games where little human silhouettes pop out from behind cover? Yeah, that’s why those use human silhouettes and not circular targets – it’s about training reflexes in response to stimulus, not accuracy). But there’s no secret turbo-hardcore version of this that ingrains the instinct any deeper than what video games accomplish. The idea that a slideshow and some music repeated long enough will cause a victim to find and assassinate a specific target is as stupid as the idea that you would actually search for or hallucinate stealth indicators while crouching in tall grass because you’ve played a lot of Assassin’s Creed games lately. You totally might reflexively search for icons indicating if you’ve been spotted in that situation, but a half-second later your conscious mind catches up, knows immediately that this is ridiculous, and discards the idea. No amount of additional trauma in the conditioning process will change that (it can build in-group loyalty for other reasons, so there are tactically sound reasons for a psychopath cultist to do it, but it won’t make the conditioning any more potent).

And when the game tries to use video game conditioning on the player, it’s bad at it and it didn’t work on me. As I said earlier, games totally can condition reflexes into players and it’s a foundational part of many common kinds of gameplay. Far Cry 5 tries to take advantage of this, by having sequences where you’re being conditioned where you have to use provided weapons to clear a ghostly hallucination type area of enemies within a time limit, and since it’s not a real location, it involves things like a short labyrinth full of enemies who shoot at you when you turn the corner. This does indeed train the player to follow a specific path and shoot enemies immediately after turning the corner, without allowing their conscious mind to catch up and process what they’re seeing. In the final conditioning sequence, the last enemy you have to kill is the leader of this region’s resistance. They’re trying to do a thing where the player actively participates in being brainwashed into killing the resistance leader Manchurian Candidate style.

Except each conditioning sequence is slightly longer than the last one, adding an additional section to the end. So what I was actually trained to do was to be on high alert for new information as I was reaching the end of the familiar part of the sequence. I knew from previous training sequences that they got extended each time, that it was easy to get lost in a new environment (especially since these hallucination environments make no sense, which makes them harder to navigate), so far from reflexively snap-shotting enemies who were exactly where I expected them to be, I was paying a lot of attention to the new environment and noticed immediately that these guys were ragdolling and leaving behind corpses instead of vanishing into a puff of smoke like the hallucinated foes in earlier parts of the sequence, which made it easy to guess what was going on. When I reached the named character with a unique model I’d been sent to assassinate, I waited out the clock to see if anything would happen. This just resets the sequence like any other failure, so fine, I went through with the assassination to progress the plot (it’s not like it would’ve been hard to program in a slight branching path here, we’re at the end of the Jacob Seed sub-plot and the sub-plots are completely silo’d off from each other, geographically separated and with no characters in common, so the death or survival of the resistance leader would’ve had no impact on the rest of the game).

If they’d made the resistance leader one of those guys in the labyrinth, placed in the exact position as one of the hallucinated enemies from the earlier sequence, odds are fantastic they could’ve successfully conditioned me into turning a corner and blasting him without even thinking about it. But not only do they vastly overstate what classical conditioning can accomplish, they aren’t even capable of using classical conditioning competently for the things it can do.

And this kind of thing bugs me because it usually stems from the belief that being evil grants you magic superpowers, which is one of the most persistent obviously false beliefs which make the world a worse place. Compassion and empathy are not inventions of civilization. They are instincts which we evolved because they work. We also evolved instincts for selfishness and aggression because there are other situations where those work, and you can do a lot better strategically than blindly trusting your instincts all the time anyway, but blindly acting against your instincts all the time is not an effective way to accomplish anything. “Evil = superpowers” is the kind of stupid worldview held by someone too dumb to operate in the real world where you have to be observant and analytical and figure out when to use one approach or the other, so they hard commit to one strategy all the time and hope that it works out.